


Almost

by SpaceWaffleHouseTM



Series: One Shots from the Waffle House [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Do Not Read if you do not want to see them die, F/M, First Kiss, Heavy Angst, Mentions of Blood, Not A Happy Ending, One of them literally dies, The only time I will ever write an ending like this, author is sorry, slightly bittersweet ending, throne room alternate ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 19:01:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17986826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceWaffleHouseTM/pseuds/SpaceWaffleHouseTM
Summary: After defeating the Praetorian guards, both Rey and Kylo make a fatal mistake not to check that they're all dead before they celebrate their victory.





	Almost

**Author's Note:**

> In case I did not make this clear enough in the tags or you chose to skip them ONE OF THEM DIES. AND it is not the sort of situation where they come back, and the ending iS NOT HAPPY. It's kind of a little bittersweet. But anyway, my period brain decided we needed this angst, and it had been two years since I killed off either half of a ship in a fic, and it decided to be rude. Can confirm I was a bit misty-eyed writing this.
> 
> ANYWAY: TLDR: You've been warned about the major character death, if you chose to ignore that, it's not on me, buddy o'pal

Ben was going to die. That was a simple fact, and it was true. He was five seconds — ten if he was lucky — from death, and he could already feel the pain from the wound that would cause it. 

The last of Snoke’s Praetorian guards held him in a death grip, and he watched in horror and fear as the red blade of his weapon inched closer and closer to his neck, searing heat already beginning to make itself known against his skin as his strength began to give out against the guard’s. This was it. This was how he died, after all he’d been through, after that intense battle, he was going to lose, and he was going to die. 

_ I’m sorry, Rey _ , he thought, listening to the sound of her cries in the background as she fought her own adversary with a ferocity he’d grown to admire. It was tragic, really, she’d come there for him, and her rescue attempt was about to be proven useless. Ben prepared to close his eyes, and wait for the painful sting of death, but suddenly he heard her voice again, shouting his name like a prayer. 

_ “Ben!”  _ she cried, and he looked over just in time to see her hurl her lightsaber through the air, the metal hilt flying in a perfect arch toward him. All he had to do was reach up with his free hand, and relief filled him as he caught it, but he didn’t celebrate his victory at all. The moment it was safe in his grasp, he ignited it into the head of the final guard, allowing the red-clad man to collapse to the ground dead as he finally stood and faced Rey. 

It was astonishing, really. When last they’d met in person, she’d mired his face with a scar that would last his lifetime, and just moments ago they’d fought back to back like it was nothing. If he’d had a moment to spare a thought toward it, he would’ve reeled from the heat of her hand gripping his thigh as she forcefully kicked away their assailants. 

The way they fought against each other was a brutal, vicious dance, but the way they fought  _ together  _ was electric, and he’d never felt more alive even as he thought he was dying. “Rey,” he breathed, tossing aside the guard’s weapon as he slowly began to make his way toward her. 

She was watching him with wide eyed as he approached, and for the first time he noticed their color. Greens, browns, and flecks of gold created a fascinating rainbow of sorts within her irises, which stared up at him expectantly, worriedly as he took cautious steps in her direction. He didn’t want to frighten her off, though he knew he didn’t need to be worried about that, Rey was strong, but the idea of the two of them being kind to one another — that was still knew. They were both still adjusting to it, and both of them had to be careful. 

“You… you did it,” she breathed, smiling at him, lips parting in an expression of delight he never thought he’d see directed at him. He’d glimpsed it once when she’d been in the rain in the split second before she noticed he was there, but it had faded away so quickly he was sure he must’ve imagined it. “You killed him…”

“I…” He sparred a glance at the halved corpse of his old master, his lower half still seated on the throne like he was peering over Ben once more. He shuddered at the thought. Never again would he be slave to another.  _ Never _ . “I did. Thank you.”

“What did I do?”

“You showed me there was another way, that I could break free…” He took another step in her direction, breaking the hold his eyes had on Snoke’s body to look over at her. “That I had a reason to try.”

Rey’s jaw fell slack for a moment, then she blinked at him as she stepped forward, closing the space between them even further to the point where he was so close to being able to reach out and touch her. Why he wanted to do that, he wasn’t sure, but he’d been yearning for it since that moment they’d spent together in the hut. Maybe that was only a few hours ago, but already he wanted to do it again. He could still remember the warmth of her fingertips pressed against his, the glow of the fire reflected on her skin, and how he had the passing thought that the scavenger from Jakku was beautiful.  _ Kriff _ , she was absolutely  _ stunning _ . 

“Ben,” she whispered again, rousing him from his thoughts, then he felt his cheeks flush as the corners of his mouth twitched upward into the hint of a smile. “Thank you.”

“No… thank you,” he replied, then he took another step forward, putting him in her space. “Rey, I… I owe you my life.”

“I think I owe you mine,” she said, then they both laughed —or more accurately, gave half-hearted chuckles — and she shook her head at herself as he reached out a hand for hers, then she took it. “Ben, I—“ She didn’t get to finish that sentence. More accurately, she finished it with a white-hot scream of pain, one which he felt reverberating within his own gut…

Ben looked down to the source of his pain, which belonged to the business end of a guard’s red, laser bladed knife that was stuck through Rey’s gut just beneath her chest, protruding out just far enough to strike through the first layers of his skin. As shock rushed through him, he watched numbly as one of the guards they thought they’d killed removed his weapon from Rey, and moved to strike again as she collapsed into him. She wasn’t quite dead weight, but he could tell she wouldn’t be able to stand much longer. 

Supporting Rey with one arm wrapped firmly around her waist, holding her close against him, Ben ignited the lightsaber she’d tossed him with his other hand, and ran the last praetorian guard through before he could strike either of them down again. The guard collapsed with a sickeningly dull thud, but at least this time he was certainly dead. 

With the guard gone, Ben deactivated the saber, tossed it aside, and put his focus on the wounded woman in his arms, whom he could hear struggling to breathe against the pain of her wound. On top of that, there was every chance the guard’s weapon had struck one of her lungs, and panic flooded through him at the thought.  _ Such wounds weren’t easy to survive. _ Quiet grunts and groans of pain left her, the sounds vibrating against his chest as Rey collapsed against him, and he realized quickly that he was now the only thing keeping her standing. 

Slowly, he knelt to the ground, still clutching Rey tightly as he sat with her sprawled out in his lap as he got a good look at the wound on her upper abdomen, which was now causing a crimson pool to slowly stain the gray of the clothing she’d changed into to meet him on the Supremacy. “Rey,” he called out, watching her as she struggled to keep her eyes open, half from the sheer agony he had no doubt she was feeling and… half from the blood loss she had already endured. He could feel blood from the entrance wound seeping out onto his thigh, and his heart raced with an all consuming panic, his breathing fast as he pondered just what the hell to do. 

Ben was no expert on wounds, but going by the way her face was already covered in a sheen of sweat and she’d gone pale, this one wasn’t something she could get up and walk away from. No, Rey needed help, but how the hell would he be able to get it to her? The nearest med bay was too far away to reach quickly and he was fairly certain he’d just be jailed for trying to rescue her. If the fading force signature was anything; he didn’t have time to attempt that either. He’d heard of force healing, but… it had been so long since he’d attempted it he knew any effort he made against her injury would be useless. “Rey, stay with me,” he begged her, swearing under his breath as he hurriedly tore one of his leather gloves from his hand, and grasped desperately at one of hers, pressing both their hands to her wound in an attempt to buy them a little time. 

All she managed in response was a noise somewhere between a sob and a gasp, her head arching back with a fresh wave of pain as she clutched his hand tightly in hers with a surprisingly strong grip given the state she’d been rendered in. Ben tried to fight back the lump he felt in his own throat as he held her, lacing his fingers through with hers over her chest. He could feel her heart beating beneath his hand, could feel it slowing down as the seconds passed, and he could deny it all he wanted to, but he knew —  _ Rey was going to die.  _

“Ben, I’m sorry,” she whispered, then she blanched further than he’d thought possible as she gritted her teeth against the agony ripping through her body. “I was supposed to leave with you.”

He shook his head. “No, this is my fault, I should’ve seen him coming. I… I wasn’t… I’m so sorry, Rey.”

“Don’t,” she breathed, blinking more tears from her eyes as she stared up at him. “Don’t you dare. He was on my side I should’ve made sure he was dead…” She hissed air through her teeth, then she sighed. “Ben, don’t blame yourself…”

“Rey—“

“No,” she told him firmly. “I came here to tell you, you had a choice, that you could still have the chance to turn… that chance stands whether I’m by your side or not.” Her voice began to shake, falling unsteady so he could hear the tears in her voice. “And I’m sorry,” she practically croaked as she reached up with her free hand to caress his cheek. “But I think you’ll have to manage without me.”

“No, no you just need to hold on,” he told her, his own voice growing urgent with denial as she grew weaker in his arms. “Rey, hold on…  _ please _ .”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, a tiny sob escaping her, and he barely held back his own, beginning to stroke her hair with the hand that was supporting her in his lap. “I just told you you weren’t alone, and now…”

“No, don’t say that,” he begged her, leaning down until his forehead was pressed against hers. “Don’t you ever say that. This isn’t your fault.”

She almost seemed to laugh. “Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, but I came here to help you escape… I need you to do that without me. I… I need you to find the Resistance, find Finn… tell him what happened. Tell him… tell him I’m sorry to him, too.”

“No.”

“Ben, please,” she said, and this time her voice wasn’t quiet because she was in pain, it was because she was too weak to say it any louder. “I’m tired…”

“Stay,” he pleaded, feeling like every word was just an effort made in vain. Rey was going to die. He knew it, she knew it, and the whole damn galaxy knew it, and it wasn’t fair. She was the first person he’d ever really connected with, the first person he thought he might actually enjoy the company of, and something about every time the force had connected them had been… sort of magnetic. There was a pull between him and her, and it was growing weaker by the second.

When she’d appeared on the Supremacy, he’d at first struggled to hide the fact that he was thrilled, then when he was alone with her in the elevator… Ben had never kissed anyone before, but he was fairly certain that if that ride up had lasted any longer, he would’ve tried to kiss Rey. 

Even now he still had that thought, but he pushed it aside, ignoring it in favor of holding Rey a little more tightly to him as she was dying, and pleading with whatever would listen to not take her away from him. Not now. Not when they’d just discovered they didn’t have to be alone again. “Hold on,” he whispered. “... Please, hold on.”

“Ben… I don’t have much time,” she replied, her voice fainter than ever as she slid the hand caressing his cheek up into his hair, gripping it firmly with the last of her strength as she spoke again, “Go. Get out of here. Tell them what happened to me, and save yourself. The Order will figure out what happened here sooner or later.”

“I can’t just leave you here.”

“You have to, I’m not going to make it back…”

Ben finally let a sob of his own break free as he turned his head against hers, looking away from her for a moment as he came to a resolution. She wasn’t going to make it, and he was ready to stop denying that no matter how much it hurt him to. He didn’t want to leave her, he wanted nothing more than to scoop her up into his arms and take her with him, but the reality was all he’d be carrying after about thirty more seconds was her body. Accepting this as fact, he let out a shuddering breath as he turned to face her. “I’ll go,” he promised her, gripping her hand even more tightly in his, and ignoring the way the wet, crimson blood made her fingers slick as they laced through his. “Just let me say goodbye.”

She shook with another quiet sob. “Okay,” she whispered. “Ben, I… thank you… no matter what you’re thinking… I want you to know this was worth it.”

“Rey—“

“Let me finish… I came in here knowing this might happen, but Ben… I saw your future… and whether or not it was manufactured by Snoke, you have one…” Her thumb stroked gingerly over his. “And my last request is that you go live it.”

Ben blinked wet, hot tears from his eyes, then he took in a deep, shaky breath. “I will,” he promised, then he met her gaze again, and as his eyes drifted down slightly, he loosened the pressure on the wound to her chest. “I wish I had you in it.”

“I wish that, too,” she told him, then another tear fell down her dampened cheeks. “Ben… I…”

He didn’t let her finish that sentence. This time, he interrupted her by leaning forward, and closing the scant few inches between them with a gentle kiss. She froze against him, but despite her nearly completely spent energy, she responded to it, returning his kiss with the last bit of life left in her as she tightened the grip she had in his hair to kiss him more deeply. 

For a moment, time stood still. Rey wasn’t dying, he wasn’t grieving, and they weren’t both in agonizing pain. They were just two people sharing a kiss, and the circumstances weren’t special, they weren’t epic, the kiss was just a beginning as it was meant to be, not the ending he knew it was. 

It was Ben’s first kiss, and he’d heard stories, but he’d never imagined it would ever be quite like this, that he’d blink more tears from his eyes as it happened, or that he’d be able to feel her heartbeat slowing down to a halt, or that it would also somehow still manage to be the softest, most gentle thing he’d ever experienced. He didn’t know what he expected it would be, but it wasn’t this. It wasn’t goodbye. 

The thought of her leaving him forced another tear from his eyes, then he felt Rey’s hand slip down from his hair, wiping it away before it fell down somewhere between them, having gone completely slack. It was then that Ben slowly pulled away from the kiss, and he opened his mouth to say her name, but… his hand was still over her chest, and he couldn’t feel her heart beating anymore. Her eyes remained closed even though they’d parted at least ten seconds ago, and her chest failed to rise or fall with the breaths she should’ve been taking. 

Numbness overtook him for the first five seconds, and he froze as he looked down at her in his arms, her body completely limp in his hold. Ben’s breathing grew shaky as he stared at her face, observing how at peace she looked — how the happiness from her final act in life made her look as though she were almost smiling in death. 

“Rey,” he breathed, not even bothering to phrase it as a question. He knew damn good and well she wouldn’t answer. The woman in his arms was dead, she’d succumbed to her injuries during their first and only kiss, and the agony of that knowledge was enough to nearly tear him apart. All he could do was let loose the sobs he’d been holding in as he held her tight, clutching her body in his arms and crying for as long as he possibly could. 

It wasn’t fair. He’d been the one who should’ve died, not her. He was the reason she was there, and he kriffing hated himself for it. As long as he lived, he knew he would  _ always _ hate himself for it. Rey was dead, but she’d reminded him again and again that it wasn’t his fault, so to think otherwise felt almost blasphemous to her memory, even if it was what he believed. 

Eventually, he had to leave. An enormous series of explosions sounded in the distance, and the entire ship tilted horribly off to a side as if impacted by a sizable object, and Ben knew instantly that it was now or never. 

Gathering himself together as best he could, he pulled away from Rey a little, keeping his arms wrapped around her as he gazed upon her face for the last time. Even dead, she was beautiful, and he wished he had been given the chance to tell her so at least once, but… he’d really thought he had time. Now all he could do was commit every feature of her face to memory, every freckle and every crease, and try to make sure they stayed put amongst the many horrors his mind had trapped within it. 

Once he finished, he leaned forward, and pressed a kiss to her forehead, letting the last of his tears fall onto her face before he slowly laid her down on the ground in front of him. Ben took his discarded leather glove from the ground, and placed it in her hand, then he took off the other one, and put it in the same place, wanting to somehow leave a piece of himself with her before he disappeared. 

“Goodbye, Rey,” he whispered as he finished, then as another sob escaped him, he pressed one last, lingering kiss to her cheek, kissing away her still falling tears before he stood up, and made his way out of the throne room to fulfill her final request. He paused briefly to summon his grandfather's lightsaber into his hand, then he resumed his walk with his head bowed. 

The last battle Rey of Jakku ever fought was never going to be forgotten, and as Ben spared her a parting glance, he made her another silent vow that he would carry her with him always. He’d promised her she wasn’t alone, and she’d sworn the same thing in turn. This way, though Rey was gone… neither of them would ever be alone again. 


End file.
